Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
