Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
