ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
