im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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