Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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