who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
