don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
