Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
