Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
