Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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