All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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