Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
