I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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