Sry I called you an 8
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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