there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
