So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
