i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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