got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
