Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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