9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
