I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
