So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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