Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
