There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
