I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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