He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
