So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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