Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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