TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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