I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
