I feel great
I just peed on a car
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
