Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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