Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
