you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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