dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
