is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
