oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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