Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
