i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
