i just made my gag reflex go away.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
