No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
