Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We're facebook friends in real life
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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