Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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