I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
