My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
