there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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