Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Less talking, more tequila
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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