Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
