Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
