Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
