what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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