Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
