I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
